Things We Forget Are Normal in Our Twenties
Commentary by Katie Lipoma
This week, I had midterms for all my classes and sadly didn’t have time to read a book. So instead, I’m mixing things up with a reflection and commentary on an article: “things we forget are normal in our twenties” by Kelly from the blog, Kelly Today. Lately, I’ve been seeing a ton of suggested reading in the form of articles on Instagram, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to delve deeper into a topic that interests me, especially since getting older, entering the “real world,” and navigating adulthood and all that comes with it has been on my mind for a long while.
I turned twenty-one this past August, so I don’t have too much experience being in my twenties, but I picked this article in hopes of learning and being reminded of what’s perceived as normal as well as receiving some guidance on living out my twenties. As the eldest sister, I’ve always wanted an older sibling to look up to, to ask for advice, and to do the scary things before me. Kelly’s post is informative, interesting, grounding, and comforting. Her blog feels warm and big sister-like—just what I needed!
As Kelly says, it can be super easy for anyone (especially those in their twenties) to believe that they’re behind in life when that’s really not the case at all. This is usually due to self-limiting beliefs, comparison, and the curated content that’s fed to us on social media and online. I sometimes struggle with comparison, but have learned to remind myself that nobody is perfect and that everyone has something they struggle with behind the scenes, no matter how it may look.
Being twenty-something is weird. You’re told you are a “baby” by those in their thirties, but are expected to know how everything works and how to do everything just right the first time. Everyone is on their own path and at different stages of life, too. I have friends in their twenties who are in college like me. I have cousins who have serious jobs and families of their own. I’m constantly wondering if I’m making the right decisions, as I’m told that your twenties are for experimenting and trying everything, but I see these choices as the foundation for the rest of my life. I know I’m going to look back on this period in my thirties and forties—as I often do as I get older—and realize just how much unnecessary pressure I put on myself to have everything figured out.
I quickly noticed how Kelly’s article is laid out like a list. Kelly probably knows that our twenty-something brains need a little break. I like the simplicity of this unique bullet point format, as it allows space for personal reflection. Among Kelly’s thirty-seven things that we forget are normal in our twenties, three really stuck out to me and got me thinking: “saying no to plans or people just to be alone,” “outfit repeating! It’s normal to rewear clothes,” and “looking back and realizing how far you’ve come, your ‘normal’ changes fast.”
“Saying no to plans or people just to be alone.”
It might just be an introvert thing (or a me thing), but I like spending time alone. I’m the most productive and at peace when I’m by myself and my thoughts are mine. When I’m with people other than my closest friends, it often feels like I’m performing and can’t fully settle into myself and my thoughts as they’re always bouncing about.
A lot of people in my life tell me that I spend too much time alone. Their normal doesn’t look like mine, and that’s okay. Humans are social creatures, but I don’t think we spend enough time alone. I once heard that our longest friend is ourselves, and I like that even though it’s sort of cheesy. Plus, we have the chance to learn more about ourselves and work toward personal growth when we spend time alone. From a psychological perspective, I think a lot of us (myself included at times) distract ourselves to avoid spending time alone and just being with our thoughts. We may do this by constantly surrounding ourselves with others, doomscrolling on social media, always listening to music (I’m trying to be more conscious of this one), keeping overly busy schedules, etc.
Although I like spending time alone, sometimes I feel guilty for saying no and taking a step back. I know that it’s okay to do so, but taking on more and more without a pause has become very normalized (I’m sick of hustle culture). It’s often not until our bodies force us to take a break via illness, fatigue, or burnout that we actually listen to our needs.
Also, this point reminds me of my goal to start doing more things alone. I struggle to go places alone, even if I really want to, because it feels scary. I know this fear is irrational and everyone goes places alone, but I’m working on it. I’ve realized that I’m going to miss out on a lot if I’m always waiting for other people.
There is no shame in slowing down, saying no, and doing things alone. I certainly agree with Kelly that this is something that we forget is normal in our twenties and at any age.
“Outfit repeating! It’s normal to rewear clothes.”
I’ve been really interested in capsule wardrobes lately as they reduce reckless spending, are environmentally conscious, and encourage intentional decision making. They emphasize the rewearing and restyling of clothing instead of fast fashion purchases and today’s trend of buying and tossing items after just one or two wears. Realistically, I’m a clothing maximalist, and I like too many things to choose only a few, but perhaps that will change as I age.
The other day, I was searching for something to wear and came across my favorite black top. Instead of wearing it, I convinced myself that I’d been wearing it too much lately and needed to choose something else instead. Many of my friends think the same way, too. When did our clothing consumption and wearing of trendy pieces become more important than wearing what we truly love and wearing them again and again? I suppose there’s the worry about what people may think about our choice to wear a piece many times or to wear a piece that isn’t trending or similar to what others are wearing. I’ve been trying to shift my mindset regarding outfit repeating and rewearing. I think there’s something special about finding something you like and treasuring it for as long as possible.
“Looking back and realizing how far you’ve come, your ‘normal’ changes fast.”
If I think back to who I was and what my life looked like last year, I would say that it was totally different from now. I’m still me, I still go to the same school, I have the same family and friends, yet much has changed. I’ve found that college has really shifted my perspective regarding my “normal” and my thoughts about how far I’ve come as a person and in my education. Unlike high school, college has allowed me to take responsibility for my own life, and to choose who I am, who I want to be, my routine, my circle, and my priorities.
It’s hard to believe that I’m already a junior. Time really does breeze by, and it’s important to cherish your “normal” before it changes again. I struggle a lot with change, but college has encouraged me to feel more grateful for where I’m at and to be excited for what’s to come. Maybe this will be the key to navigating the rest of my twenties.
What is normal? Will we ever have it all figured out? I can’t answer that…I’m not thirty yet. I hope that you enjoyed learning some more about me. It was fun to read and reflect, and so I might do this again when finals come around in December.
Thanks for reading! Check back next Thursday for a new post!
To read this article and check out Kelly Today: https://open.substack.com/pub/kellytoday/p/things-we-forget-are-normal-in-our?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
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