By Horisun Antunee
Do I love her? Why can’t God or the universe or whatever exists let me know what I should be doing? I need to go to the gym more. Could I love her? Could I run and run and run into something else? Typing this on my phone is hard. How much would it take for me to forget who I am? Could she love me too? Is there something else? Maybe I want to forget who I am. Could the exercise bikes at the gym really be right? Is anything right? 600 calories in an hour seems like a lot. Could you just tell me what’s right? Could I burn everything and leave? Why do people use that damn thumbs up symbol in texts? God, that sounded like arson. A thumbs up is better than just K, though. I want to feel weightless. She said K a lot. Just light—without anchors holding me down. Just add an O to the K. I might be crazy. What would it be like to know? I’m definitely crazy. Do I want to know? But maybe being crazy is good. What’s the name of that song? It isn’t crazy if you have a choice. The one by Breaking Benjamin, about ashes or something like that. And hasn’t it always been a choice? That meeting’s coming up. Would I really choose to be like this? I’ll have to get dressed. Maybe it’s fear. Jeans today? It’s definitely fear. Ashes Of Eden—that’s the song. How do you ask someone a question when you don’t know how you feel? Maybe I just go after the improbable. Does anyone know how they feel? That’s what I was taught to do, I guess. I could see a good future. Dude, you can’t even make yourself brush your teeth in the morning. It doesn’t matter. I usually brush at night. It does matter, though. It doesn’t have to be her. I’ll brush this morning. I would like it to be her, though.