I Can’t Lie—So I Write
By Horisun Antunee
I had some issues when I was younger. Don’t worry—I wasn’t killing small animals or communing with the dead. I just lied a lot. I’d make up stories about everything. I’d go to school, have a perfectly normal day, and then go home and tell my parents about triumphing over a bully twice my size.
I probably lied because I felt small. And telling stories made me feel important. But, I also lied because I was really (really really really really really really really really) good at it.
But I stopped lying about a year ago. I realized that I really didn’t like who I was, and that I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I felt like an actor, playing a different character for everyone around me. I felt disconnected from myself and everyone else. But more than anything, I wanted to feel closer to whoever I really was. I knew that that was the only way I’d be able to feel close to other people.
And writing kind of helped me figure out who I was. I always laughed when I heard people talking about the insights that writing gave them into themselves, but that shit’s true. Writing has helped me to realize who I am. And more importantly, writing has helped me realize who I’m not at the moment, but who I want to be. And beyond that, writing has helped me realize what I actually think about the world around me.
In addition, writing has allowed me to continue to utilize the thing that I liked about lying. I was a good liar because I’ve always been a creative person. I love making shit up. And writing is all about being creative. Sure, writing connects to the real world, or, at the very least, the humanistic world, but beyond that, it’s all a matter of creativity. What’s more creative than creating worlds?
Writing’s been an outlet for me. It’s helped me learn all those things, while enabling me to keep my creativity. And I think this could be true for other people.
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