CONTEST WINNER: “Spinning” by Rowan Fitzgerald

Spinning

By Rowan Fitzgerald

A sudden release of tension discomposed his very soul.

He began spinning at a dizzying rate. Each rotation gave him a contrasting but fleeting view of both the Earth and the open void of space. His heart was perched in his throat but he never allowed panic to steal from him control of his body. He held onto his resolve and, in a flickering moment of level-headed clarity, pressed a forefinger down to activate the reverse thrusters on his suit. The muffled hissing of the air came through his suit’s padding as it was expelled from the vents in an attempt to reverse his otherwise perpetual spin.

“No, no, no…” Despite dread wanting to settle into his voice, he maintained an even-tone that gave him the little sense of control he sorely needed. “Emma?” He called into his suit’s radio.

No response.

“Damn it, come on! Emma?! Baby?!” He had to stifle a rising frustration building in his chest from the silence. “Answer me!” He snapped. The radio remained quiet.

There wasn’t much else he could do. He was fully aware that he was floating away from Clementia Station and certainly not in line with any interstellar traffic. All he had left was his wilting hope.

“Please let me hit something.”

Forty-five seconds passed like forty-five years. He kept his eyes closed to avoid vomiting, but stole a glance through his visor every few seconds to check the slow but steady progress he was making; however as he completed each rotation a pit that was forming in his stomach grew increasingly deeper. He
snatched a glance at the indicator for the radio which glowed a bright green. He was still connected to Emma’s frequency.

“Who told you?” He finally inquired with a solemn tone into the radio. “Guess I was never good at keeping secrets.” A lump forms in his throat. He forcibly swallows what he can of it. “Look, I love our kids. I love you, but…” His bottom lip quivered. Tears welled up in his eyes and, due to the lack of gravity, remained there. His vision became a hazy mess which distorted the radiant light gleaming off the Earth.

“… I had to get away. ” Each word grew increasingly hollow, he noticed. What good were they now, anyways? It was as if his words were entering the vacuum around him and the universe certainly wouldn’t bat an eye at his laments. “Did she tell you what happened on Mars? I don’t know what she’s said, but I… I…”

The mass of tears that pooled under his eyes broke away from his face and began free-floating in his suit. With his sight restored, he saw that he was no longer spinning, but had a view of both Clementia Station and the Earth. Both were beautiful–and receding.

He swallows the lump in his throat completely. He activates the thrusters and expends the last of his air to swivel him towards the twinkling, black eternity.

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