Mockery on the Open Road

by Kyle Heger

May I have permission

to worship at the altar

of your souped-up muscle

car with racing stripes as it

cuts in and out of traffic

at 85 miles per hour, laying

down thick tracks of burned

rubber, belching exhaust,

its engine roaring? May I

offer what you so clearly

both deserve and desire:

slack-jawed awe and goggle-

eyed admiration for the

daring originality, nerves

of steel and peerless hand-

eye coordination that allow

you to perform a feat so far

beyond what we mere mortals

can even dream of achieving?

May I salute you with a big

thumbs up and a fist pump

before pulling over to the side

of the road, slumping over my

steering wheel, and simply

dropping dead of envy? I’d

consider it to be an honor.