The First Year of Marriage is Always the Most Psychotic

by Alex Carrigan

Celebrate the first anniversary
by throwing a sink through a window
and eating the glass shards with the
slice of wedding cake you put in
the back of the freezer.

Tear down the padded wallpaper
and throw out the mouth gags
that were given as housewarming gifts
from both sets of in-laws.

Remove the bars from the windows
and use them to build a crib 
and a rocking chair for the nursery.

Cut up the evening straightjackets to make
reusable diapers and to have enough
washcloths and dusting rags for
the next year or so.

It was a lot of work to
survive the first year,
to improve yourselves for the
next phase of life.

All you have to do is
hope the mania doesn’t
carry down to the next generation.

Title comes from a riff from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode The Screaming Skull.

---