Prompt: What do you want to say to someone that you have not said, and what keeps you from saying it?
Lux’s age: 23
CW: Polyamorous feelings, insecurity, anxiety
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I haven’t told anyone how I feel about them, especially not them.
I’ve never told anyone that I think they are all beautiful, each one of them in their own way:
The freckles that bathe Andrew’s caramel body, pouring down his face, shoulders, and arms, disappearing beneath his clothes yet peaking out on his stomach when he moves just right and painting his leg when he wears shorts on a hot day, accentuating the deft muscles of his body. His bright fiery orange hair that sits messily yet perfectly atop his head, almost falling into his eyes, and kissing his strong jaw when he goes a few days without shaving. His sapphire blue eyes with aqua flakes shine like stars if you look at them close enough and always look at me with kindness. His slightly deep yet bright voice that rolls over me.
Camilla’s adorable flat dark brown canine-like nose contrasts beautifully with her milk chocolate skin and sharp jaw and cheekbones, and pairs wonderfully with her eyes, unique like mine. Long thick lashes frame her heterochromatic eyes, one like a polished piece of fluorite and the other polished amber, encasing her rhombus, slit-like pupils. Her pointed ears, so much like mine yet shorter, that peak out of her chin-length wavy dark purple hair – which is somehow her natural hair color – on one side and full display on the other due to her undercut, the flip of her hair changing constantly. Her tall, lean, muscular stature and deep voice with a light accent I don’t know but that matches her perfectly.
Aurora’s long golden hair that flows around her and light skin that reminds me of the pale treat she brought with her one day – something she called a “sugar cookie.” Her piercing emerald-green eyes, the scar that cuts through her right eyebrow, and the beauty mark below the outer corner of her left eye. The soft muscles of her slightly athletic body and the light curve of her hips and thighs, accentuated by some of the clothes of her world. Her honey-smooth voice that hides none of her emotions.
(Though I think they are the most physically beautiful people I know, their looks are far from the most beautiful things and the things I like most about them.)
I’ve never told anyone how they are all the nicest people I know.
They care about others and always try to help others when they can, though Camilla tries to do that unnoticed and tends to try to hide that she cares, seeming more apathetic or “annoyed” when doing so. Aurora tends to struggle to contain herself, wanting to jump right in, to help without thinking things through first, or taking some of the emotions on herself. It took a while for Aurora to fully show this side of herself, to let go of the preconceptions people from her world had about her, causing her to withdraw herself from others.
After the first time or two they asked me to help them cover one of their shifts guarding the portal, their first real interaction with me, they started to go out of their way to hang out with me, trying to get to know me. They would ask me to join them in the garden when Aurora came to visit (before she moved here, that is) when I wasn’t working, to join them at meals, and to join them when going into town. When we were hanging out, they tried to include me in their conversations, asking me questions and my opinion or input on things.
I realized pretty soon after this, that they trusted me, though I’m not exactly sure when they started to. The first time I realized they trusted me was when they had me come and slightly heal Aurora’s arms. They invited me in when Aurora was in such a vulnerable position and mindset.
When Aurora started showing signs of magic, they asked me to try to teach her and figure out what kind of magic she has. They trusted me to teach her such an important, dangerous, and ultimately personal thing. The Queen wanted to hire a professional magic teacher, but all three of them requested and pushed for me to be her teacher. The Queen eventually relented after they reminded her of my skill and education, and emphasized the fact that they trusted me.
I’ve never had anyone in my life trust me, value my opinion, and try to get closer to me and include me the way they do. I enjoy spending time with them.
Yet… seeing them together hurts.
I’ve never told anyone that I feel left out when I see them close together. How my heart clenches when I see their rare displays of public affection or a random flirt. The sadness I feel when they look at each other with such love in their eyes. The longing I feel to be part of that, of… their relationship.
I haven’t told anyone any of this. And I don’t plan to. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’ll be content being their friend. I have to be.
—
Hello!
I think I struggled the most finding the right wording for this response and it could still use some work. I didn’t really struggle with the descriptions themselves, but wording them in a way that wasn’t that sexualized where I didn’t want it to appear that Lux was objectifying them, though I didn’t want to completely hide the fact they do find those three attractive. I wanted people to gather that Lux does find them sexually attractive yet, where they refrain from describing them as sexually as they could have, I wanted to hint at the fact they are trying to deny or suppress their sexual attraction for them. I just didn’t want it to come off gross.
I know often describing darker skin as “chocolate” or other sweet or enjoyed foods sexualizes that character or person by showing them as something people desire and crave, which is one of the reasons I’m nervous people will read it as racism. I chose to describe all three characters’ skin using sweet food as one of the methods to hint at Lux’s attraction and desire towards them, NOT as a means to dehumanize or objectify them.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and see you next week!
~Musette
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